Dates

I was lying in bed and for some reason SO many different dates where running through my head. I cant believe the amount of hard and amazing things we have experienced in the last few years. July 29th 2013- we toured our first home with our realtor. Thursday August 1st 2013- I found out we were finally pregnant with our first child. February 8th 2014- Baby shower for Baby Whigham #1, I was in the trenches of figuring out I had Cholestasis and felt terrible and couldn't figure it out March 21st 2014- Jackson Matthew Whigham was born and was the most perfect thing we had ever laid eyes on March 28th 2014- We found out Jackson's newborn screener came back "abnormal" for Glutaric Acidemia type 1 April 9th 2014- We took our 2 week old to Cook Children's Metabolic geneticist to learn more about GA1 April 11th 2014- His official due date and the first time we took him to a Ranger game. We were trying to escape and act like everything was going to be ok, we just didn't believe it. June 2014- DNA sequenced on Jackson and Liver biopsy performed on me July 7th 2014-DNA came back as only a carrier, still no one would clear him August 18th 2014- Brain MRI done, still no one would clear him September 13 2014- First ER visit for vomiting, in San Antonio on a trip without Matt September 17 2014- Found out I was pregnant with Baby Whigham #2 and Jackson's 2nd ER visit. This time it was at BSA in Amarillo and was the most trying/frustrating/Mama Bear moment of my life. September 22nd 2014- Drove to Ft. Worth so that we could perform a skin biopsy on Jackson. September 26th 2014- Blood clot found in Matt's leg NOTHING happened for months, we just prayed and waited. The clot in Matt's leg cleared, my pregnancy with Baby #2 was going well. December 25th 2014- Found out Baby #2 was Miss Leah Grace January 12th 2015- Finallly, like FINALLY Jackson was cleared. It was the 2nd best day in my life up to this point, the other being the day he was born. The skin biopsy that was performed in September finally had the results that Jackson was only a carrier for GA1 March 2015- Things got harried with Leah Grace's pregnancy, I ended up on a steroid and had some scary side effects. March 21st 2015- We celebrated what a blessing Jackson was and is to us. His 1st birthday was phenomenal. April 18th 2015- Leah Grace was born and was perfect in every single way. All of that is just a glimpse into what runs through my head at any given moment on any given day. Most of these things have caused tears of grief, sorrow, relief and joy. I cannot believe that we serve an almighty God who loves us at our worst. He has never left my side, he holds me up when there is no way I could stand without him. I struggle with the alone feeling of Canyon. I am not alone. He is with me.

New thoughts on old problems

Until you have lived in the fear of a disorder you can't relate. Your mind and heart are protected from the worst case scenario. My husband and I lived in fear of every germ, every hug and sneeze in my son's first 10 months of life. We were in the ER twice and admitted to the hospital twice for MINOR stomach bugs. All of that to say, I don't know how to not want to punch you in the face when you CHOOSE to let your child get sick. When you CHOOSE to not keep your child home from church or daycare when you KNOW they are not well. My baby has hand, foot and mouth, an ear infection and some sort of respiratory distress right now, and has been exposed to chicken pox. Yes, I know he will be ok, yes, I know I don't have to go to the hospital, but I don't know how to not die on the inside and be completely freaked out and anxious.

It is OVER

It's over. The nightmare of GA1 with Jackson is OVER. His skin biopsy showed with definite proof that Jackson is only a carrier for GA1. For the first time in months I smiled, and the smiled stayed. I cried the happiest tears I have ever cried. I hugged Matt and it wasn't because I needed him to hold me up. I still cannot believe it. I look at Jackson and am in awe of the miracle of God all over again. It is exactly how I felt at the hospital. I cannot believe he is mine. I made him and he is perfect.